Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
