OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
