You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I cut my penus on the lid.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
