I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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