last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
