could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
