Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
