You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
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I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
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My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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