I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
