I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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