So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
