One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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