After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
