beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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