You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
