it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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