Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
