What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
