We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
