based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
