ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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