i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
