when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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