it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
