THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
