the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Can Purell be used as lube?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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