i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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