At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize