i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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