Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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