Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
