Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
