Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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