there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
