a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
