WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize