All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
