Who did Billy Mays play for?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
