god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
