The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
