i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
