im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
