I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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