He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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