how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
