i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
