This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
