i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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