if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
