Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
