I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
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