just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
