She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
