Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
