Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
