Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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