Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I love you. Go after that dick
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
