please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
