she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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