Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
