My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My room smells like vodka and shame
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize