her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
