Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
