Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
